Lately, I have been feeling rather conflicted. Volunteering at Mangrove Yoga Ashram made me realize that there are other ways I can live my life that are more in align with my personality and values. I don’t have to spend my time doing what doesn’t light my spirit up. I deserve to be happy now, and to live in a way that is fulfilling, happy, and joyful at all times, with others who share my vision of a loving earth. And yet, I find myself bound by responsibility and duty to be at uni, spending time in lectures, worrying about assignments, writing bland essays that do not spark my creativity, and otherwise spending time in a hectic environment which contributes little to my creativity and spiritual path. Part of it is the feeling that I need to be here, it’s what other people do, I need to get a degree to set myself apart in the job market, even though job security is far from certain, whether you have an education or not. The public school system does not tell you how to love yourself, follow your heart, or think creatively. University shows you how to conform and to be a slave to the system. Do this, and you will have a good job and a huge house and everything will be perfect. Wrong. I want more than that.
I have written countless academic papers, with citations and quotes to bolster my words. I would rather fully think for myself instead of giving someone else’s ideas more significance than my own. My outdated, limiting thought patterns and fears of not being good enough must be eradicated, and new, loving perspectives must be put in their place. Watching my thoughts as a detached observer continues to lead me to new perspectives of self-identity, what I value, what I want out of life, and all the myriad ways in which I have been holding myself back from living my dreams.
I am taking my power back. I used to give others all my energy, always looking outside of my own divine nature for love, approval, and happiness. By going inward, I am beginning to awaken to the infinite source of love, guidance, and bliss that can never come from the external world, no matter how much I search. Today, I choose to seek happiness and love inside of myself. I can’t depend on others to make me happy or to make me love myself. I choose to love myself fully today and to go in the direction of my dreams, to speak my truth to whoever will listen, and to connect with others who are on their own spiritual journey. I will be a light for others and my path will cross with those who are meant to teach me lessons and guide me, yet ultimately, I will have to guide myself to true love, peace, and happiness, as will everybody else in their unique life journey. I choose to be happy now. I choose to love myself now, be present in each moment, and manifest a life of my wildest dreams. Above all, I trust the Universe fully to guide me to where I need to be. Here goes nothing.
Happy lucid dreams,