In Darkness there is Light.

     I am coming to terms with the fact that every thought, word, and action is a product of my own free will. Nobody else can be blamed when I feel powerless or self-critical. All experiences are ones I have chosen, even the ones that seemed difficult at the time. And yet, as I come out the other side, and look back on those experiences, I have a clearer perspective of why I chose to experience an obstacle, which is only an opportunity in disguise. With true perspective, things fall into place and I can fully understand why I had to go through the motions, why I attracted similar situations in various forms until I learned the lesson I needed to learn.

     In the past, I was fearful of showing my true self and my true power. I always had the fundamental sense that nobody would understand the intricacies and depths of my being. I also failed to acknowledge that the relationships and situations in which I found myself were of my making and only my making. In my unclear state of mind, I thought I was powerless, that things were happening to me, as if I were a puppet with no real control. However, this was a grave misunderstanding. It became clear to me after realizing that I was attracting types of people into my life who mirrored how I felt inside, time after time. It was not a mistake. I attracted people with no sense of life purpose, those who drifted along, fulfilling some physical gratification then moving on to the next. I entangled myself with people of questionable moral character or lack of any values at all. These people, who I called my friends, mirrored my own low vibrational pattern, because, though I did not realize it consciously, I felt unworthy of true happiness. And yet, throughout the ordeals that I chose to experience, I knew I deserved something better, a spiritually guided life.

     In the past, I never thought of myself as a spiritual being. That was how disconnected I had become. However, there still remained an inner guidance, an inner knowing. A still, small, loving voice that helped me find the light. My life was not working for me, so I raised my vibration through yoga, meditation, self-inquiry, and ecstatic hoop dancing. I let go of the low vibrational tendencies I had acquired, like self-criticism and lack of self-worth. I surrendered the inauthentic, toxic relationships in my life and learned how to breathe deeply. When I embraced my power and authenticity, I no longer needed forces outside of myself to feel validation. Now, I would rather stand alone in my values and truth than be led astray by the faulty, mutable judgements of others. I choose to listen to my heart. My parents always told me to be a leader, not a follower. In the past, I allowed myself to blindly follow others until I realized it was not who I was. By raising my energetic vibration, I discovered the calm within the storm, the peace and serenity of the stillness of my being.

Artwork by Audrey Kawasaki.

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2 comments

  1. I love your artwork it is so gorgeous. It is amazing how many people out there who feel like this. I was exactly the same in the past, not willing to embrace my true self. Reminds me of the poem Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Williamson. In particular the lines that read:

    “There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Great blog. Lots of love, light & sparkle Chanel xxx

  2. Thanks for your kind message, Chanel. That quote is so lovely. It speaks so true, that we all must shine our lights brightly and give others permission to do the same! I am realizing more and more that the love I see in others is a reflection of the love within myself. Have a great day & Shine On!


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